The "PG Stage" of Parenting

One thing we discovered on this annual summer pilgrimage to the beach is that we have hit the PG stage of parenting - “Parental Guidance Recommended”.

Our kids are now at an age where we are just here to hand out high fives, shout encouragement from the sidelines, referee disagreements and generally keep them fed + watered. We are just like the bird shushers at the airport who scare away the birds so the pilots can land planes safely. Except we just scare away the baddies (known as traffic, dumping waves, screen time, dickheads of society, drugs, bullying, salmonella, snakes, stepping on LEGO - you get the picture) while the kids attempt to navigate their own little lives and personalities.

Gone are the beach days carrying the towels, buckets, spades, umbrella, spare towels, snacks incase of hangriness, suncream, hats, boogie boards, spare towels, nappies, water bottles and more “just incase” snacks. All in a trolley that you got from Kmart that has wheels that lock in the sand (well played Kmart) so you actually have to carry it on the beach while looking at each other with eye rolls and huffs for extra enjoyment. Oh and don’t forget the foldable tent for shade (because your delusional beach thoughts make you think that you will spend more than an hour on the beach) that actually never folds into the original position ever again. That’s not mentioning the unwritten rule that isn’t published in any parenting books that your kids bowel will laugh at you and decide to move with an unnecessary and unwelcome urgency as soon as you set all of these things up on the beach and just sit down to soak up the serenity. It’s a parenting win if your kid makes it to the public loo in time - otherwise it’s a moment when you ask yourself why you didn’t just get a dog.

These days we hit the beach with no shoes, a towel each, a boogie board under the arm and they apply their own suncream. We still take the huge colourful beach bag because watching husbands carrying these is entertainment in itself! They understand that eating before the beach prevents them from being hangry AT the beach and they also understand that sunburn hurts and too much sand can hurt in places where sand should not be. Who would have thought right? They can read signs that say “Strong rips - stay close” and have watched enough Bondi Rescue to know this really means “Don’t be a dickhead and make the lifesavers rescue you”.

So the PG phase is one I think we will remember fondly and we will proudly wear the “Parent Shushers” badge. Considering the next phase will be the teenage girl phase and will most likely consist of Heathrow meeting young men at the driveway and advising them not to proceed!

To all the Parent Shushers - we see you and we salute you! We did it! We survived! And to all the parents deep in the trenches of young ones....may the odds (and your kids bowels!) be forever in your favour.